The Upside of Oversharing, and the Surprising Downside of Restraint | Leslie John
4/2/202644 min
Most of us think oversharing is the problem. It's not. New research from Harvard reveals that the bigger threat to your relationships, your health, and your sense of belonging may be all the things you're choosing not to say.
How many times today did something cross your mind that you chose to keep to yourself, a feeling you swallowed, a compliment you almost gave, a truth you pulled away from? That habit of holding back is doing far more damage than you realize, to your closest relationships, your wellbeing, and even your body.
Leslie John is the James E. Burke Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School, whose award-winning research on self-disclosure has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Economist. In her new book, Revealing, she makes a compelling, science-backed case that most of us are dramatically undersharing, and it's costing us the very connection, trust, and intimacy we crave.
In this conversation, you'll discover...
- A simple daily audit that reveals how much you're silently holding back, and why becoming aware of it alone can transform your closest relationships
- The surprising research behind why revealing uncomfortable truths makes people trust and respect you more than staying silent
- A critical distinction between two types of openness that determines whether sharing at work builds your influence or puts you at risk
- One easy, low-risk form of sharing that almost always deepens connection and takes just a few seconds
- Why feeling confident that you truly "know" your partner might be the very thing keeping you from real intimacy
If you've been sensing a quiet distance in your relationships, or wondering why your closest bonds don't feel as deep as you'd like, this conversation will reshape how you think about everything you've been holding back. Hit play now.
You can find Leslie at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript
Next week, we're sharing a really meaningful conversation with Valarie Kaur about why the darkness we feel in the world today might not be the darkness of a tomb, but actually the darkness of a womb. It’s a powerful new way to look at fear and find your breath again.
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsJonathan Fields· Host0:00
So how many things crossed your mind today that you just chose not to say out loud? A feeling you swallowed, a compliment you almost gave, a moment where you want to be honest but pull back, or maybe a fear or concern you had but stifled it. We spend so much energy worrying about oversharing, but here's what's fascinating. New research shows the far bigger problem, the one quietly doing real damage to our relationships, our health, and our sense of belonging, is actually all the stuff we're not saying. My guest today is Leslie John. She's a professor at Harvard Business School and the author of a new book called Revealing, and her research is honestly a little uncomfortable because it shows just how much we hold back without even realizing it and what it's actually costing us. In this conversation, we get into a simple daily practice that makes you aware of everything you're filtering. We talk about why revealing hard truths actually builds trust, the surprising difference between two types of openness, and when each one is safe to use, and why being certain you, quote, "know your partner" might actually be the thing that's keeping you apart. So excited to share this conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project.
Speaker 11:14
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