Why Success Never Feels Like Enough
6/29/202645 min
Do you find yourself chasing success, working long hours, doing far more than is required, and thinking about work all the time? Congratulations—you might be a workaholic. (There’s no trophy for this, by the way. I checked.)
In this episode of Office Hours, I dig into what workaholism is, where it comes from, and why it can be so damaging to your happiness and relationships. We discuss the connection between work addiction and the belief that love has to be earned (which turns out to be a surprisingly ineffective strategy). There’s good news: I also share three practical steps you can take to break the cycle, become more present for your loved ones, and find the deeper sources of happiness, meaning, and connection that no promotion will ever give you.
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Where to find Arthur Brooks:
• Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/
• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/
• Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter
• X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/
• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com
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Timestamps:
(00:00) Intro
(05:58) Why workaholism is so destructive
(09:31) Work culture in Spain vs. the U.S.
(11:11) The three classic signs of workaholism
(12:26) Why people become workaholics
(13:42) Four more signs of work addiction
(15:01) Intrinsic rewards vs. extrinsic rewards
(24:59) A thought experiment about intrinsic and extrinsic rewards
(27:52) Where workaholism comes from
(33:04) How to break your work addiction—Step 1: Face the truth
(34:39) Step 2: Give what you most want to receive
(36:02) Step 3: Make plans to change
(38:12) Summary of the three steps
(39:20) Q&A: The grief of divorce vs. death
(40:35) Q&A: Coping with betrayal
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Referenced:
• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness:http://themeaningofyourlife.com
• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership
• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter
• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale
• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur
• Workaholism: definition, measurement, and preliminary results: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16370875
• Workload, Workaholism, and Job Performance: Uncovering Their Complex Relationship: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7557789
• PANAS quiz: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/quiz/panas
• 3 Steps to Managing Your Emotions: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/3-steps-to-managing-your-emotions
• ...References continued at: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours
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Production and marketing by https://penname.co/.
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsSpeaker 10:01
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Arthur Brooks· Host0:24
Workaholism. What a funny addiction it is. If I just get the billion dollars, if I just get the acclaim that I want, if I just work hard enough, then people will love me. If I work hard enough, will you love me more? You can feel pretty satiated when it comes to love in your life, but you'll never be satiated with money. It'll never be enough. You know, why do you think that lottery winners have their lives fall apart, and they'll blow their fortune and become poor again? Because there's never enough to buy all the stuff that you want. There's not enough stuff in the world. If work has become an actual love relationship for you that's crowding out real relationships, that's an addiction that we have to address, because if you don't, you're gonna wind up lonely, you're gonna wind up isolated, you're gonna wind up anxious. You, you might very well suffer from depression, and until now, you might have not have known why. Hi, friends. Welcome to Office Hours. I'm Arthur Brooks. This is a show about the science of happiness, about how you can use the best ideas based in