What I've Learned After 35 Years Without My Mom
5/4/202619 min
Mother's Day is not a simple day for everyone. If your mom is gone, or if your relationship with her is painful, complicated, or nonexistent, the world can make you feel incredibly alone in the middle of all of it. Like everyone else got something you didn't. Tamsen lost her mom at 20 years old. She has spent the last 35 years doing everything without her… her first job, her first apartment, her wedding, her divorce, finding Ira, writing a book, going through menopause without her mom's roadmap. In this honest and personal episode, Tamsen shares what she has actually learned after 35 years of carrying grief, including what she wishes someone had told her sooner. You'll hear:
- Why grief doesn't move in a straight line and what to do when a wave hits you out of nowhere
- The difference between moving on and moving forward and why it changes everything
- What neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki said about grief that Tamsen thought about all weekend after she said it
- The three essential elements of maternal love from Kelly McDaniel's book Mother Hunger and where to find them if you didn't get them
- What to actually do this weekend if you're struggling You don't have to perform on Sunday, you don't have to explain your grief to anyone, you don't have to be okay, and you don't have to not be okay either. You just have to know you're not alone. If you liked this episode, you'll love Healing the Grief, the Love, and the Silence Around Your Mother Stay connected with Tamsen: Get Tamsen's newsletter filled with free tools to living better, feeling stronger, and knowing you’re never alone Get Tamsen’s NYT instant bestselling book, How To Menopause Free Resources from Tamsen Watch all the episodes on YouTube Follow Tamsen on Instagram The Tamsen Show on Instagram Follow Tamsen on TikTok Medical Disclaimer: The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical concerns or treatment options. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of The Tamsen Show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Transcript preview
First 90 secondsTamsen Fadal· Host0:00
[upbeat music] Hi there, ladies. Welcome back to the Tamsen Show. So, Mother's Day is this weekend, and it made me think that we should talk about it for a little bit before it actually gets here. So I know that for a lot of women, Sunday is not a simple day, myself included. The world makes it look like it should be. There's brunches, there's flowers, there's cards, there's posts everywhere of women with their moms, calling them their best friends. If that is not your reality, if your mom is gone, or if your relationship with her is painful or complicated or nonexistent, you can feel incredibly alone in the middle of all this, like everyone else got something that you didn't. So I, I really felt it was important to talk about this, and we've, we've talked a lot about moms, and we've talked about grief on this show, but I just felt like with Mother's Day around the corner, sometimes I don't sit with it all the time, and I just try to get through it and not think about it. But I don't know, this year, maybe as I'm getting older, I don't know. So I lost my mom when I was 20, and there are women listening to this right now whose mother is alive, but who grieve her just as much as I grieve mine, who's gone because maybe she was never really there, or because the relationship caused more hurt than it ever gave comfort, or maybe you've had to create a distance