Science of Attraction, Compatibility & Romance | Dr. Paul Eastwick
6/22/20262 hr 50 min
Dr. Paul Eastwick, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and a leading expert on the modern science of mate selection in humans. We discuss what people actually look for in a partner, including surprising findings about age preferences, finances, and physical attractiveness. We also discuss why dating apps often lead people to select for traits that don't support lasting partnerships. We discuss how initial attractions form and evolve and which factors best predict romantic relationship stability and satisfaction. We also explain activities that can expand your dating pool, as well as practical tools for building and sustaining healthy romantic relationships. This episode is for anyone currently in or wanting to be in a relationship.
Read the episode show notes at hubermanlab.com.
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Timestamps
(00:00:00) Paul Eastwick
(00:03:25) Evolutionary Models of Dating, Mate Value
(00:08:57) Initial Attraction, Maturity
(00:12:56) Sponsors: David & Lingo
(00:15:21) Dating Apps; Shared Moments & Developing Attraction
(00:24:17) First Impressions & Early Relationships; Partner Bias
(00:31:41) Friends & Family Support; Relationship Research, Attachment Theory
(00:42:15) Sponsor: AG1
(00:43:34) Couple Friends, Advice from Others
(00:47:35) Social Support, Women vs Men
(00:55:05) Dating App Algorithms, Distrust of Men & Women
(01:05:29) Activities & Dating, Observing Date Social Behavior
(01:11:25) Texting, Verbal Skills
(01:16:15) Sponsor: LMNT
(01:17:36) Partner Actions, Dating vs Relationship
(01:22:57) Dating & Asking Good Questions; Genuine Connection
(01:29:36) Attraction, What Qualities Men & Women Want
(01:36:18) Homosexual Dating & Relationships
(01:40:08) Finances; Job Loss; Men vs Women, Ambition
(01:46:28) Sponsor: Function
(01:48:05) Age Difference, Men vs Women Preference; Wanting Children
(01:54:58) Church, Activities, Small Groups & Dating; Work; Perceived Similarity
(02:07:10) Social Media, Attraction to Alternative Partners, Infidelity
(02:19:13) Stranger Attention, Mate Value
(02:24:58) Past Relationship Value; Relationship Duration, Breakups
(02:34:33) Physical Intimacy & Relationship Satisfaction
(02:39:32) Young Adults & Changing Relationships, Technology
(02:47:31) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Protocols Book, Sponsors, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsPaul Eastwick· Guest0:00
When you look at who gets the right swipes and who receives messages on the apps, it's the most popular people. I mean, folks have claimed that it's one of the most unequal markets in the world, but regular acquaintanceship is not nearly so dramatic. I don't think the influence of attractiveness ever goes away, right? There's always gonna be an unlevel playing field to some extent, but the more that people spend time together getting to know each other, it reduces some of those market forces that give the desirable people all the advantages.
Andrew Huberman· Host0:37
[upbeat music] Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. Paul Eastwick, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis. Today we discuss the science of attraction, mate selection, and relationships, and I promise you what you are going to hear will surprise you. Paul's research has discovered that much of what you've heard about how people select partners, date, form relationships, even break up or re-partner, is simply wrong, at least when you look at the actual data. For example, his data show that both men and women, when given a choice, select partners that are younger than them. Yes, you heard that right. It's not just men. Men and women equally select partners that are younger than them, given the