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The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis)

2/9/202642 min

Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?

Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conver...

Clips

Loneliness Like Smoking Daily
Change The Conversation First
The Listening Illusion Gap
Paradox Of Vulnerability
It’s Better To Give
Loving The Messy Whole
When Love Isn’t Reciprocated
You Don’t Need To Change You
Left Out At Summer Camp

Transcript preview

First 90 seconds

  1. Laurie Santos· Host0:00

    [intro music] Pushkin. [gentle music] It's February, that time of year when we all feel like we're being bombarded with messages about love. Think lots of red hearts, ads for diamond rings, lingerie, chocolates, and on and on. For those of us with romantic partners, there's pressure to make the perfect reservation, buy the perfect gift, and plan that perfect date night. And if you're single, the season often comes with feelings of loneliness and FOMO. Honestly, this time of year doesn't always feel great. It's like a huge Hallmark card being collectively shoved in all of our faces. This whole season is supposed to be about love, but that can raise some pretty big questions. Like, is this what love is really about? And if not, how many of us are actually experiencing the kind of deep connection we need to feel happy, or even just okay?

  2. Sonja Lyubomirsky· Guest1:00

    We asked people, you know, how often do they feel loved and who do they feel loved most or least by, and we find that about 70%, I believe, don't feel as loved as they want.

  3. Laurie Santos· Host1:12

    This is the psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky, an expert on the science of happiness.

  4. Harry Reis· Guest1:16

    They also said that their romantic partners were the people they most wanted to feel more love from, so they weren't getting as much as they wanted or even, in many cases, needed.

  5. Laurie Santos· Host1:28

    And this is the psychologist Harry

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