Dating in Midlife…Oh My! | Bela Gandhi
6/4/202657 min
Here is something most of us have never been told: falling in love was never supposed to be easy, and the fact that it hasn't been isn't a character flaw. It's a design problem. Your biology may be working against you. Your cultural programming works against you. But, more than anything, the list you've been carrying around of what you want in a partner is almost certainly pointing you in the wrong direction.
Bela Gandhi is a dating coach and the founder of Smart Dating Academy, where she has helped thousands of people find lasting relationships. She was a longtime dating expert on Good Morning America and the Steve Harvey Show and built her methodology after realizing that love, like anything else worth doing, benefits from a system.
What you'll explore in this conversation:
- Why 74% of third marriages end in divorce, and what that tells us about how most people approach finding a partner
- The "elevator people" exercise that reveals what you actually need in a relationship, and why it almost never matches your dream list
- How biology, attachment patterns, and cultural messaging conspire to make us fall for the wrong people, again and again
- What highly accomplished, independent women often get wrong in the dating world, and what to do about it instead
- Why attraction can grow rather than just appear, and how pacing changes everything
If you've been wondering whether love is still possible for you at this stage of life, Bela's answer is clear. She's seen too many people find it at 50, 60, and beyond to believe otherwise.
You can find Bela at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript
Next week, we're sitting down with seven-time New York Times bestselling author Bruce Feiler to talk about something most of us have felt but never quite had words for: the particular loneliness that arrives in the middle of a full life, when the relationships that used to hold you steady are all being renegotiated at once, and the rituals that helped people move through moments like these for thousands of years have largely disappeared. Be sure to follow Good Life Project wherever you get your podcasts so you don’t miss any upcoming episodes!
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsBella Gandhi· Guest0:00
The game is kind of rigged against us, right? Human biology is rigged for reproduction. It's not set up to find long-term committed love.
Jonathan Fields· Host0:10
Turns out when looking for love, most people filter potential partners through a list of wants that's all wrong for them. Bella Gandhi, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a longtime dating expert on Good Morning America, has spent 17 years showing people why that list is usually pointing them in the absolute wrong direction and how to really find love, especially later in life. In this conversation, we get into what she calls elevator people, those who lift you up, and how to find them, why your biology works against you when you're dating in midlife, and how attraction can actually grow rather than just appear. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. And the place I wanna start with Bella is right at the beginning with the big dating fears. We'll jump right in there after this short break.
Speaker 30:57
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