Becoming Securely Attached (to yourself): Reparenting and Healing Insecure Attachment
5/11/20261 hr 12 min
Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. They talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn't for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults. Topics include the research on early attachment, why so many of us arrive at adulthood with a strong inner critic and weak inner support, and four practical paths forward: creating a coherent narrative about your past, reparenting yourself, rescaling your sense of self in relation to others, and building self-trust through healthy exploration. Rick’s Attachment Course: Join Rick for a 5-week online course on using the research-backed HEAL method to heal insecure attachment and create new neural pathways for interacting and connecting securely. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25. Key Topics 0:00: Introduction 2:00: The research on becoming a “secure base” 8:17: How we internalize early sources of regulation and recognition 15:43: What happens when love is contingent 18:44: Forming a coherent narrative 29:14: Reparenting yourself 42:07: Rebuilding your sense of self 57:40: Using your secure base to explore, try, and fail 1:09:18: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Go to https://DonorsChoose.org/BEINGWELL to find a classroom near you and have your gift matched today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Clips
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First 90 secondsForrest Hanson· Host0:00
[gentle music] Hello, and welcome to Being Well. I'm Forrest Hansen. If you're new to the show, thanks for joining us today, and if you've listened before, welcome back. Today, we're talking about something that I think really lies at the heart of almost everything that we talk about on the podcast, becoming a secure base for yourself, or saying it in a way that you might be a little bit more familiar with, becoming more securely attached to yourself. If you've spent any time in the world of therapy or self-help, some of what we talk about today will probably be familiar to you, including particular methods like re-parenting, creating a coherent narrative, and even more technical ideas from psychology, like object relations. We'll start by talking about what it means to be a secure base, how we're supposed to develop this feeling, why we don't, and what we can actually do about all of this as adults. But who am I talking about this with? Why, it's clinical psychologist Rick Hansen. So Dad, how are you doing today?
Rick Hanson· Guest1:02
I'm good, Forrest, and I do feel securely attached to you, 'cause I know- I feel very securely attached to you, which is great, because I'm your kid, so that's kinda what we're gunning for here. [laughs] That's true. Well, I- [laughs] You know, you... Because I feel securely attached, I can launch out into the world, and we'll talk more about that.
Forrest Hanson· Host1:20
Mm.
Rick Hanson· Guest1:20
And you are the string to my kite.
Forrest Hanson· Host1:23
I'm just- I'm- I'm keeping you nice and stable as you, as you explore, as you explore the, uh, all the things you wanna talk about today on