294. Ask & You Shall Receive: Questions For Better Negotiations
6/4/202628 min
Do you really win the negotiation if it means losing the relationship?
You might think that successful negotiation means getting what you want here and now. But Stan Christensen says this short-sighted view is selling many negotiators short.
Christensen is a professional negotiator, host of the All Things Negotiation podcast, and instructor of one of Stanford's most popular courses on the subject. His core insight: most negotiations happen with people you’ll see again — which means success isn’t about claiming victory, it’s about building long-term, mutually beneficial relationships. “Most people think of negotiation statically,” he says. “It's you and I. There's a fixed pie. We're trying to get more for ourself and less for the other party. In reality, 95% of negotiations are gonna be with people you see again, so I define success as contributing to the value of the long-term relationship.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Christensen and host Matt Abrahams explore what it takes to negotiate well — from the power of listening and asking questions to managing emotions and communicating for collaboration. Whether you're negotiating a business deal or just deciding where to go to dinner, Christensen shows why every negotiation is an opportunity to strengthen the relationship.
Episode Reference Links:
- Stan Christensen
- Ep.15 The Art of Negotiation: How to Get More of What You Want
- Ep.204 Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust
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- (00:00) - Introduction
- (02:58) - What Is Negotiation?
- (03:37) - Negotiating Every Day
- (04:39) - The Power of Listening
- (06:12) - Asking Better Questions
- (08:13) - Handling Emotions
- (09:11) - Authentic Emotion
- (10:09) - Body Language Matters
- (11:00) - Collaboration in Negotiation
- (12:38) - Framing Conversations
- (14:03) - Setting the Agenda
- (15:25) - Co-Creating Structure
- (17:01) - A Common Negotiation Mistake
- (17:40) - Why Start a Podcast
- (18:44) - Learning from Guests
- (19:41) - The Final Three Questions
- (26:57) - Conclusion
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsMatt Abrahams· Host0:01
Hi, Matt here. We're excited to celebrate a milestone. Think Fast, Talk Smart is approaching our three hundredth episode. To mark the occasion, I'll be hosting two free Ask Matt Anything events open to everyone around the globe on June third at eight AM or eight PM Pacific. We'll run these on LinkedIn and YouTube. Before taking your questions, I'll share one of my favorite new communication structures for advancing ideas and arguments. Anyone joining can submit questions online during the event, and a few of our learning community members will have the opportunity to ask me their questions live on video. Don't miss this opportunity to be part of this live AMA on June third. Be sure to sign up on LinkedIn, YouTube, or fastersmarter.io/live. Now, a word from one of our sponsors. Their support covers the cost of production, allowing us to bring you quality content free of charge. Over the course of my career, I've had the privilege of working with some truly great coaches, and I've also spent many years coaching others. So I've experienced this from both sides, and I can tell you firsthand, coaching makes a real difference. The challenge is that coaching has often felt out of reach for a lot of people. It can be expensive, difficult to access, or something people assume is only for senior executives. That's why I really appreciate what Strawberry.me is doing. Strawberry.me makes coaching more accessible, affordable, and global,