"Why does criticism hurt so much?" Dr Julie on triggers and behaviour patterns
5/25/202659 min
Ever looked in the mirror and told yourself “I am enough” ...and not believed a word of it? Psychologist Dr Julie Smith reckons affirmations only work to boost confidence if – deep down – you already believe them.
In this chat with Fearne, Julie explains why your brain needs evidence, not mantras, to change your critical inner voice and build self-worth. She also talks through why criticism from others can hit so hard, and why the discomfort felt is often an echo of a much older wound. Julie breaks down how the patterns we developed in childhood keep replaying in adulthood.
Julie also talks about her breast cancer diagnosis, and how it tested everything she’d been teaching everyone else about fear, agency, and mental health.
Plus, what’s the simple therapy exercise that could change how you carry pain?
Dr Julie’s best-selling book, Open When, is available now in paperback.
If you liked this episode of Happy Place, you might also like:
Dr Julie’s first Happy Place episode
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Transcript preview
First 90 secondsJulie Smith· Guest0:00
[upbeat music] Hello, I'm Fern Cotton, and this is Happy Place, the show that gets you to trusting yourself more. Today I'm chatting to Dr. Julie Smith. The core thing about mental health is you feel so out of control and overwhelmed and distressed, but as soon as you see an avenue for something that you can do, your mind has a guide to follow. And when I was sort of working with probably young women mostly who would come along feeling that I was gonna fix them in some way, or that all the things that life could throw at you, they didn't know how to deal with it, or that they didn't believe they could cope. All that changed between the beginning of therapy and the end of therapy. Life was still stressful for them, and they still had lots of stuff to face, but they just realized they could trust themselves to do something with it. I hope you're all good. I'm currently sat in my kitchen. I just went for a big old morning walk 'cause my head was all scrambled. And then do you know what I just did? I got in, and I was stood in the kitchen. I was really hot after my walk. So I took- well, I lifted my jumper up over my head [laughs] without realizing I didn't have a T-shirt on underneath, and I've got a bunch of builders stood on the driveway. So any one of them might have just got a quick flash of my bra. Who knows? I went very red-faced and quickly pulled my jumper back down. So here I am sat [laughs] slightly mortified, ignoring the builders and, uh, cracking on with hopefully delivering you an episode of Happy Place which is soothing