Why Are All the Young People So Insecure?
6/5/202645 min
What if raising secure kids has less to do with what you do wrong as a parent — and more to do with teaching them to build the right relationships from the start? My guest this week is Dr. Amir Levine, molecular neuroscientist, child psychiatrist, and associate professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University. His new book, Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life, offers a unified theory of relationships with surprisingly concrete tools for building security at any age. This episode shares specific, teachable tools for helping kids of all ages — including neurodivergent kids — move through the world with greater security. What you'll learn: Why less than 10% of adult attachment style can be explained by parenting and why that's good news if you've been worrying you've already "done something wrong" What CARP means (Consistent, Available, Responsive, Reliable, Predictable) and why teaching kids to look for CARP friends can shape their relationship patterns for life Why our brains chase drama and ignore the secure people already around us and how to redirect toward a "secure village" How small, everyday micro-interactions create structural changes in the brain and why each one is an opportunity This episode is brought to you buy: BetterHelp: You don’t have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/humans. Uresta: Learn more about this amazing breakthrough, trusted by over 50 thousand women at Uresta.com Tumble: Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/HUMANS Great Wolf Lodge: Bring your pack together at a Lodge near you. Learn more at GreatWolf.com
Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsAmir Levine· Guest0:00
So when I read all the research papers, and I didn't just look at what they wrote in the abstract or- [laughs] ... in their commentary, I looked at the data, and the data actually says something else from what they're telling you in the, and, like, from the story that they're making, and it's mind-boggling. So for example, the attachment style that people have as an adult are not the attachment styles they're gonna have, they, they have as kids. Not at all. In fact, less than 10% of your attachment style as an adult can be explained by your attachment styles as, as a child, and also by parenting, by the type of parenting that you got. So we all think, "Oh, my God, the parenting is so crucial, and, like, everything that we do can potentially scar our kid," but that's not what the research shows. Not at all.
Speaker 20:44
[laughs] We focus so much on our attachment relationship with our children, making sure it's healthy and secure, and all of that is wonderful. And also, we under-emphasize the importance of having healthy, secure attachment relationships with peers. Friendships matter, especially for developing children, and cultivating healthy relationships is really important and benefits them throughout their lives. Today's episode of Raising Good Humans podcast is with Dr. Amir Levine, and we're talking about Secure. I'm Dr. Lisa Presman, developmental psychologist, New York Times best-selling author, associate clinical professor at Icahn School of Medicine, and the host of Raising Good Humans podcast. I'm so glad you're here.