What if Dating Isn't For Me?
2/16/202653 min
She's 26 and has never been in a relationship that made her feel happier or more fulfilled than when she's single. She's questioning whether being in a relationship is right for her. Esther helps her explore the issues stemming from her childhood, her need for perfection, and how these impact her romantic life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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First 90 secondsSpeaker 0· Guest0:00
Hi, Esther. I'm a 26-year-old woman, and the question that I'm trying to figure out is whether or not being in a relationship is right for me. So I grew up kind of expecting that I was gonna find the perfect man someday, and get married, and have kids, and that then my life would be perfect, and I would be happy, and that's all I would ever need. [chuckles] And I've been with men that I love, but I don't think I've ever been in a relationship that made me feel happier or more fulfilled than I do when I'm single. I felt like my partners were always trying to get me to do things that I didn't wanna do or to live my life in ways that I didn't want to, and I think partly that's because I'm pretty introverted, and I'm also kind of a perfectionist. And neither of those things is, is bad. Like, I don't dislike those things about myself, but I think they make it very easy for me to feel like I'm being pushed and pulled in a direction that I don't wanna go. So I've been kind of questioning whether even being in a relationship at all is really the right thing for me, and the problem is that I'm just worried that I'm gonna end up alone in my old age. You know, right now, I have my parents close by, and I'm very open to the idea of having a child by myself. But once I get older, and my parents are gone, and my kid moves away, maybe,