The Surprising Truth About America's Friendship Crisis
6/2/202659 min
Modern loneliness is often treated as a simple problem: People are simply spending more time alone. But what if that's not the whole story? Over the last several years, Derek has written about workism, the rise of a culture that puts work at the center of our lives, and the "antisocial century," in which technology has made it easier than ever to avoid spending time with other people. The result is a world where many of us trade deep connection for convenience, productivity, and fleeting hits of entertainment. Today, Derek talks with Yale psychology professor and Happiness Lab host Laurie Santos about the science of friendship, connection, and loneliness. What do we misunderstand about being alone? Why are male friendships harder to maintain? And how can we build stronger relationships in a world that seems designed to pull us apart? Subscribe to our YouTube channel here:https://www.youtube.com/@PlainEnglishwithDerekThompson If you have questions, observations, or ideas for future episodes, email us at PlainEnglish@Spotify.com. Host: Derek Thompson Guest: Laurie Santos Producer: Devon Baroldi Additional Production Support: Ben Glicksman Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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First 90 secondsDerek Thompson· Host0:00
[drum music] I've been thinking a lot recently about friends and friendship. I turned 40 a couple weeks ago, and many of my close friends from high school and college of the same age have also celebrated this milestone in the last few months. So the past year has had more opportunities to connect with old friends and close friends who live hundreds or thousands of miles away, and these reunions are always wonderful. But as you get older, I think there's an undercurrent of sadness or wistfulness that comes through as you recognize how hard it is to keep the candle of old friendships truly alive as middle life takes over. I think about my own daily calendar. I have two young kids, two and six months old, and that means my typical day begins around 6:30, making breakfast and coffee, pulling together the toddler's lunch and backpack before getting her to daycare. By 8:30, I'm at work. And with two podcasts per week, plus a newsletter, plus maybe the occasional speech, I am pretty much booked solid between 8:30 and 5:00. And then the second that clock hits 5:00, I am back on the road, picking up the toddler, getting her home. And then as [laughs] parents of young kids surely understand, the next few hours are just a blur, [laughs] a very loud blur. It's feeding and cleaning and wrangling, negotiating, "Honey, eat your potatoes." "But I don't want potatoes. I want Cheez-Its." "No, darling, Cheez-Its are not a dinner food." "But I want them,"