The Science of Effective Parenting
6/12/202640 min
What does it actually mean to be a good parent and why does knowing the research make it harder, not easier? This week I'm sharing an interview I did with Adam Grant on his show, ReThinking, where we got into the framework I come back to constantly: all feelings are welcome, but all behaviors are not. We talked about gentle parenting, why asking your child to do something nine times is no better than asking twice, orchid vs. dandelion kids, and what I think the job of a parent actually is. What you'll hear: Why "all feelings are welcome, but all behaviors are not" is the organizing principle behind almost every parenting question What orchid/dandelion research reveals about why some kids are more harmed by permissiveness than others Why asking more than twice doesn't increase compliance and what to do instead The one-sentence definition of the parenting job I keep coming back to This episode is brought to you by: Merit Beauty: It's time for your makeup and skincare to meet the reality of your daily routine with Merit Beauty.com OneSkin: Unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code RGH at oneskin.co/RGH Great Wolf Lodge: Bring your pack together at a Lodge near you. Learn more at GreatWolf.com
Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsAdam Grant· Guest0:00
It seems to me that you are not a fan of the gentle parenting movement.
Aliza Pressman· Host0:03
[laughs] I am not a big fan. Like, I think it's not a religion, so we don't need to be religious about it. There is not a scientist in the world that's like, "We are totally certain about anything in this particular very vulnerable area of raising kids." Humans are too complex. Recently, I had the absolute joy of sitting down with Adam Grant on his podcast, Rethinking, and it ended up being one of those conversations I've just kept coming back to in my own head ever since. We talked about parenting, about the research, about how that shapes how I think about raising humans, and about some of the assumptions we hold so tightly that we forget to question. Adam is one of those rare thinkers who can make you feel both deeply seen and gently challenged in the same breath, and I'm so grateful to Adam and the Rethinking team that they're letting me re-share this here with you. I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, developmental psychologist, New York Times best-selling author, associate clinical professor at Icahn School of Medicine, and the host of Raising Good Humans podcast. I'm so glad you're here.
Adam Grant· Guest1:14
You've seen me parent a little bit. [laughs] What am I doing wrong?
Aliza Pressman· Host1:19
Ugh, unfortunately, you're doing so much right that it's gonna be a short start to this conversation.
Adam Grant· Guest1:27
[laughs] Not the answer I am looking for.
Aliza Pressman· Host1:29
I know. I'm sorry.