The End Of Humanity
1/12/20261 hr 3 min
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Transcript preview
First 90 secondsBert Kreischer· Host0:00
... 100%. [upbeat music] Cheers! [laughing] New episode of Two Bears One Cave. Tommy, I had my first threesome.
Tom Segura· Host0:08
One cave.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:09
One cave. [laughs] What did I say?
Tom Segura· Host0:10
One K.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:10
[laughs] Goddammit. [laughs] Three Ks.
Tom Segura· Host0:13
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:13
The, uh... I had my first threesome.
Tom Segura· Host0:15
Nice!
Bert Kreischer· Host0:16
Yes.
Tom Segura· Host0:17
Where was it?
Bert Kreischer· Host0:17
Uh, in my bedroom.
Tom Segura· Host0:19
What's his- what are their names?
Bert Kreischer· Host0:21
I didn't n- I didn't get their names.
Tom Segura· Host0:23
Oh, good.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:23
It was, it was on Oculus.
Tom Segura· Host0:24
Oh, fuck yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:25
Yes.
Tom Segura· Host0:26
What'd you think?
Bert Kreischer· Host0:26
Let me tell you, oh! Well, I mean- Yeah ... it's hard to go back to one person.
Tom Segura· Host0:30
I know, dude.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:32
I, I, I didn't do enough of a deep dive the last time.
Tom Segura· Host0:34
My son got a VR headset, and I was like, "Let me show you the best site." It is awesome.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:39
Dude, this, this takes a part of your soul.
Tom Segura· Host0:43
It's crazy.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:44
It's, and it's, it just- It's this shit too, right?
Tom Segura· Host0:46
When you're like... And you- Dude, I was in a fivesome.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:49
I... So Leanne went out of town.
Tom Segura· Host0:51
Mm-hmm.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:52
And so, and I've ne- I've never been able to use the Oculus. I'm afraid someone's gonna walk in on me like a blind person jacking off- Yeah ... just in their room.
Tom Segura· Host0:58
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:58
And someone's like... He gets done, and everyone just claps.
Tom Segura· Host1:00
Mm-hmm.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:01
And so Leanne goes out of town for two days, so I run over to the bus. I grab the Oculus. [laughs] I r- I race home. I mean, I'm, I'm, like, charging them in the car.
Tom Segura· Host1:10
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:13
[laughs] [laughs] Fucking throw them on.
Tom Segura· Host1:14
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:15
One girl, just me and this chick.
Tom Segura· Host1:17
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:17
And I was quick. I'm not... I was, I was... It was, it was good.
Tom Segura· Host1:20
Uh-huh.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:21
And then I was like, "I'm gonna fu- I'm gonna probably fuck her again tonight."
Tom Segura· Host1:23
Yeah. [laughs] Yeah, yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:24
And so I, I get... Later that night, I'm, like, in bed, and I'm like, "Might as well..." No,