The 3 Tools That Actually Work When Your Kid Won't Listen
5/1/202628 min
What if your child's most "defiant" behavior at home isn't a discipline problem — but a sign of how safe you've made them feel? This solo episode tackles one of the most common questions we all have: what to do when your kid digs in, pushes back, and you can feel yourself slipping toward the version of bedtime you swore you'd never have. It comes on the heels of a Today Show segment with Hoda and Jenna that sparked a wave of comments split between recognition and resistance — much of it circling the same anxious question: isn't picking your battles just permissive parenting? This conversation walks through both the why and the how: why home is so often the place where the wildest behavior lands, why permissiveness is not what most of us think it is, and what to actually do in the bathroom at 7:45pm when your kid is still in their clothes and the bedtime window is closing. It also looks at the moments when no strategy is going to work because everyone's nervous system is too lit up, and what to do instead. What you'll learn: Why "defiant" behavior so often shows up the moment your child walks through the door and why that's usually a sign of safety, not a sign that something is wrong The real difference between picking your battles and being permissive, and how to choose your have-tos so you protect what actually matters (sleep, safety, connection) without dragging the whole family through an hour-long fight over a bath The three tools that tend to work in real time — choice, removing the barrier, and natural or logical consequences — plus what to do when both you and your child are too dysregulated for any of them to land, and a note for the parents of the orchid kids who feel like none of this works for them Holding the line while your child storms isn't strictness. It's the steady, loving presence that, over time, teaches them that the world has structure, and that you are the safe place to come home to. Great Wolf Lodge: Bring your pack together at a Lodge near you. Learn more at GreatWolf.com
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsAliza Pressman· Host0:00
[upbeat music] Welcome to Raising Good Humans. I'm Dr. Aliza Pressman, and today it's just us. I wanna talk about defiant kids, and I say that in quotes, though you can't see me, and handling those situations where you feel like you just need a little bit more beyond the typical kind, compassionate, with limits response. I also have a free newsletter, dralizapressman.substack.com. Just sign up for it. You get one to two articles a week. There's no paywall, and I usually give you a little summary of actually the episode, and some key points, and maybe a little article on something that came out in the world that I wanted to address. There is a paid membership, but that's $4.99 a month to do a live Zoom parent group where people just come and ask questions, and it's very easy, and you know, that's more for if you just want, I don't know, live interaction and community. If you enjoy a solo episode, definitely write a review. Okay, so the reason I wanted to do this particular episode is because I, I did a little segment on the Today Show with Hoda and Jenna, and Hoda had a very real scenario of