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Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Surviving An Ice Storm

1/28/20261 hr 12 min

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This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom Segura and Ch...

Clips

Buddhism & Serial Killer Detachment
51% Like Gay Porn
Which Penis Caused Cold Sore?
Mom’s $3K Diamond Flex
Double Pipe Classic Achieved
Refusing To Drink Water

Transcript preview

First 90 seconds

  1. Speaker 0· Soundbite0:00

    [upbeat music] Wel-welcome, welcome to Your Mom's House.

  2. Christina P· Host0:08

    [upbeat music] [laughing] Do you, oh, do you- Tim. Hi, welcome to Your Mom's House. [laughing] I'm so upset because there's, there's a storm watch is happening, Tim, and you're in LA.

  3. Tom Segura· Host0:20

    Yeah.

  4. Christina P· Host0:20

    Do you know that the big snow is coming?

  5. Tom Segura· Host0:22

    I know it's coming. I've seen it on the news, yeah.

  6. Christina P· Host0:24

    I think- But everything's set up for you guys, right? Everybody's hoarding food and toilet paper, but I've stocked up on... I bought lots of cinnamon rolls for the kids, and wine. That's all I have in the house.

  7. Tom Segura· Host0:36

    The kids love wine. [laughing] The kids love wine.

  8. Christina P· Host0:40

    [laughing] I love wine.

  9. Tom Segura· Host0:44

    [laughing] You're fine.

  10. Christina P· Host0:44

    All they need is cinnamon rolls and alcohol. And then secondly- They don't need water.

  11. Tom Segura· Host0:48

    Yeah.

  12. Christina P· Host0:48

    They don't need water. Secondly, [sighs] I'm so fucking stoked that you're not here.

  13. Tom Segura· Host0:54

    Yeah?

  14. Christina P· Host0:54

    I have a cold sore.

  15. Tom Segura· Host0:56

    Ugh.

  16. Christina P· Host0:58

    I know. Here's the thing, though: I used- Ugh ... Christina Pease liquid lipstick to cover up my cold sore. So if you have a cold sore- When your cold sore comes back- ... this is the way to go -do you close your eyes and you remember which penis it was from your past that gave it to you? [laughing] Um- Do you go like, "That dirty, rotten penis?" I think I might, yeah.

  17. Tom Segura· Host1:18

    Yeah.

  18. Christina P· Host1:18

    I feel like the dirtiest... Like, when you have a cold sore, you feel like the dirtiest, filthiest whore that ever lived, and I hate myself.

  19. Tom Segura· Host1:25

    Right, so do you remember the one or who gave it to you?

  20. Christina P· Host1:27

    I think I do. I think I know which- Yeah ... dick it was.

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