Somethings Burning And It's Bert's Bus
4/6/20261 hr 15 min
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsBert Kreischer· Host0:00
Hundred percent. [upbeat music] Cheers. [laughs] I'm lowering my compression socks.
Tom Segura· Host0:07
All right. Uh, welcome to another episode- [laughs] ... of Two Bears, One Cave as Bert removes his compression socks.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:15
I'm an old man now, Tom.
Tom Segura· Host0:16
Yeah.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:16
I keep saying I'm a snowman in March.
Tom Segura· Host0:18
What does that mean?
Bert Kreischer· Host0:19
I'm dying.
Tom Segura· Host0:20
[laughs] Oh. Oh. [laughs] Hey, you've never looked better, die- Die's taking swings at me. [laughs] Die's looking good on you, man.
Bert Kreischer· Host0:26
[laughs] Death looks good on me.
Tom Segura· Host0:27
Yeah. It's- I was on stage last night in, uh, uh, Ottawa and, uh- Ottawa. Yeah ...
Bert Kreischer· Host0:32
Ottawa and, uh, I was like, I was like, "My life is unrecognizable from three months ago. I had two dogs three months ago. My kids were in LA. Uh, I had no blood clots. I had m- a bus. I had, uh, e- all this shit going on." And then this woman just goes, "What about your rosacea?" [laughs] [laughs] I was looking like, "Thanks, lady."
Tom Segura· Host0:53
Thanks, lady. Well, we should, we should, like, discuss it because God knows you're gonna talk about it incessantly.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:02
I haven't talked about it yet.
Tom Segura· Host1:03
I know, [laughs] but this is the best- But I don't, I don't really do a podcast as much anymore. Well, this is the best thing. It's the best life to live. Don't do it too much.
Bert Kreischer· Host1:09
It's re- I gotta be honest with you. Cutting back was the g- uh, my stand-up's better. Ticket sales are better. [laughs] Like, I- There we go.
Tom Segura· Host1:16
There we go ...
Bert Kreischer· Host1:16
think, I think think people were like, "I just wanna see you on stage."
Tom Segura· Host1:19
Okay. Enough. Um, no, but let's talk about it for real because I, I wake up, like many people did, open my phone, and I can't even believe the image that you