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My Soul Will Always Be Fat

12/8/20251 hr 7 min

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First 90 seconds
  1. Bert Kreischer· Host0:00

    (farting) (upbeat music) 100%. Cheers.

  2. Tom Segura· Host0:08

    (glasses clinking) (laughs) Welcome to another episode- (coughs) ... of Two Bears, One Cave. We're here in Bert's lair. Um, it's been a minute, dude. How you, how you doing? How you feeling?

  3. Bert Kreischer· Host0:21

    Weak.

  4. Tom Segura· Host0:22

    W- why are you feeling weak?

  5. Bert Kreischer· Host0:24

    Because I'm skinny now, and this is what skinny people feel like.

  6. Tom Segura· Host0:28

    They just feel weak.

  7. Bert Kreischer· Host0:29

    Just feeble.

  8. Tom Segura· Host0:29

    Yeah.

  9. Bert Kreischer· Host0:29

    They're not powerful.

  10. Tom Segura· Host0:30

    How are you so skinny? What happened?

  11. Bert Kreischer· Host0:32

    Natural. I'm not using any drugs.

  12. Tom Segura· Host0:33

    (laughs) That's good.

  13. Bert Kreischer· Host0:35

    It's just self-discipline. You know- Yeah. ... I get up at 5:00 in the morning and I go to the gym, and then- Mm-hmm. ... I, I barely sleep at night. I do cold plunge, I do aromatherapy, I do red light therapy.

  14. Tom Segura· Host0:44

    Awesome.

  15. Bert Kreischer· Host0:44

    I, you know, I get my vitamin D. I, I say my gratitudes. I journal. I, I, I- Wow. ... and, and I- You're doing all this stuff. And then I go right back to bed.

  16. Tom Segura· Host0:53

    Yeah.

  17. Bert Kreischer· Host0:53

    (laughs) (laughs) No, I'm so fucking tired of this HealthFit movement. I just gave up. I'm on Manjaro.

  18. Tom Segura· Host0:59

    (laughs) Yeah. And it's been how long?

  19. Bert Kreischer· Host1:02

    Uh, I just took my fourth shot, uh, Sunday.

  20. Tom Segura· Host1:06

    And so in a month, how much are you down?

  21. Bert Kreischer· Host1:10

    25 pounds.

  22. Tom Segura· Host1:11

    That's pretty ridiculous, man.

  23. Bert Kreischer· Host1:12

    It's, yeah, it's, uh, I tell you, I don't know. (clears throat) I don't know if I would, um, I would recommend it if it's a health thing. I would, but if it's- Like, you, you need to for your health benefits.

  24. Tom Segura· Host1:23

    Yeah.

  25. Bert Kreischer· Host1:24

    Yeah, so I, I, uh, I sent you my, uh- Your DEXA scan. My DEXA scan.

  26. Tom Segura· Host1:28

    Yeah.

  27. Bert Kreischer· Host1:29

    And it was,

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