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My best friend was killed by her ex-husband — this is the message I want men to hear

4/20/202651 min

Hannah Clarke and her three children were killed in an horrific attack that shocked Australia but for Dave Kramer their deaths were personal, he knew her ex-husband and had witnessed their relationship up close.But Dave's own childhood exposure to domestic violence had blinded him to some of the signs that Hannah and her kids were in danger.

After Hannah's death, Dave began the difficult work of confronting his past and educating himself on how to recognise abuse and have the confidence to speak out and help.

He now helps educate teenagers and young men...

Clips

Childhood memory of violence
Redefining domestic violence
The message he didn’t send
From jokes to tragedy continuum
Why boys get pulled in
Teens told him it sucked
A reason for hope
Gym helps feelings, not beliefs
Normalizing cruelty, then awakening
Permission to hide, then help

Transcript preview

First 90 seconds

  1. Dave Cramer· Guest0:00

    ABC Listen, podcasts, radio, news, music and more.

  2. Sarah Kanowski· Host0:05

    In February 2020, Dave Cramer's good friend Hannah Clarke was killed, along with her three children, Aaliyah aged six, Laianah four, and Trey three, in a horrific attack carried out by Hannah's ex-husband. The whole country was shocked by the murder of Hannah and her children, but for Dave, it was personal. He was struggling with guilt that he hadn't seen the signs that his friend's life was in danger, for not being able to somehow save her and her kids. The thing is, Dave had grown up around domestic violence, but it looked different to what he'd witnessed between Hannah and her husband. So after her murder, he began the tough work of looking at his past and educating himself, and he's now a behavioral scientist working with teenagers, helping teach them what a good relationship looks like. And a heads-up, Dave's story contains descriptions of domestic violence. Hi, Dave.

  3. Dave Cramer· Guest1:10

    Hey, how are you?

  4. Sarah Kanowski· Host1:11

    I want to start with your own story, Dave, and what you learned about relationships growing up. What was family life like for you as a little kid?

  5. Dave Cramer· Guest1:21

    Oof. Um, as a little kid? Uh, my mum, so my mum left my dad when I was born. No, my dad left my mum, sorry, when I was born,

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