How to Stop Reacting and Start Winning with Difficult People | Ryan Leak
4/27/20261 hr 17 min
Ryan Leak spent the last day of his twenties at a speaking event where a woman told him his documentary had pulled a young man off the floor of a crack house and back into life, and that single moment changed how he decided to spend the next decade of his career.
What makes this conversation surprising is how openly Ryan admits he is still working through his own lies, like the belief that the only value he brings to the world is what people see on a stage or a screen.
He talks directly to anyone who has ever burned energy on relationships that were never really friendships, anyone who has reacted to a difficult person and become someone they did not recognize in the process, and anyone who keeps saying yes when everything inside them is asking them to pause.
Ryan lays out a practical case for why becoming proactive instead of reactive is the only real solution to handling difficult people, and why the most generous thing you can give someone is not money but a path to make their own.
The episode closes with a question every listener deserves to sit with: if you stayed on the exact same path for another decade, would you look back knowing you truly went for it, or would you realize you were playing it safe inside something that felt comfortable?
The Greatness Playbook: The Self-Trust Edition
Ryan’s books:
- How to Work with Complicated People: Strategies for Effective Collaboration with (Nearly) Anyone
- How to Work with Complicated People: A Survival Guide
- Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate Your Personal and Professional Development
- UnOffendable
- Chasing Failure: How Falling Short Sets You Up for Success
In this episode you will:
- Discover why reacting to difficult people is the one habit guaranteed to turn you into someone you do not want to be, and what to do instead
- Learn how to identify the difference between a good opportunity and the right one, using a simple prayer practice that cuts through the noise
- Uncover the lies you have been telling yourself about your potential and why the story that starts with "I can't" is the one costing you the most
- Recognize which relationships in your life are real friendships and which ones are draining you with the illusion of closeness
- Understand why generosity at its highest level has nothing to do with money and everything to do with putting people in a position to grow
For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1920
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Lewis Howes Solo [STOP Letting People Walk All Over You]
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsRyan Leak· Guest0:00
I have this mantra of, like, don't match the energy, set the standard. My expectations for other people, it's not that they're low, but they're realistic.
Lewis Howes· Host0:08
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Leak· Guest0:08
I expect humanity from others. If I give to you and you take advantage of me, I don't know that you took advantage, 'cause I gave it. And once I give it, I truly give it. Some people give with strings attached. "I give, and now you owe me." Well, then that's not a gift. That's a loan.
Lewis Howes· Host0:22
Best-selling author, a transformational speaker, and one of the most in-demand leadership consultants on the planet, we have the inspiring Ryan Leak in the house.
Ryan Leak· Guest0:31
Scripture talks about not letting the left hand know what the right hand's doing when it comes to generosity. There is eight levels of generosity.
Lewis Howes· Host0:38
Really?
Ryan Leak· Guest0:38
Each level has a different level of ego attached to it. Sometimes you can give with a smile on your face, but you don't give enough. You need 100, I go, "Hey, here's 50." [laughs] "But I smiled. I got you."
Lewis Howes· Host0:48
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ryan Leak· Guest0:49
The highest level of generosity is actually not giving them money. It's putting them in a position to make money themselves. It is not giving them fish, it's teaching them how to fish.
Lewis Howes· Host0:58
How do you know if someone in your life aren't willing to learn how to fish for themselves, and they're always coming back for more?
Ryan Leak· Guest1:05
You know, f- for me, I, I'm always...
Lewis Howes· Host1:07
You grew up speaking in the church, 'cause everything I see you do- Yeah ... online is, like, perfect. [laughs] Like, you, you have no mistakes, you're polished, you're put together, and you sound like a preacher on stage- [laughs] ... communicating to leaders.
Ryan Leak· Guest1:24
Sure.
Lewis Howes· Host1:25
And I'm curious, did the church ever let you down- Mm ... in