How To Have The Hardest Conversations of Your Life - Jefferson Fisher - #1093
5/4/20262 hr 11 min
Jefferson Fisher is a trial attorney, legal educator, and content creator. Why are the conversations that matter most the hardest to have? When something meaningful needs to be said, we often avoid it, only making things worse. So how do you structure a difficult conversation the right way, and connect with someone not just logically, but emotionally? Expect to learn why we fear conflict in communication and why it’s so scary but necessary to navigate, how to deal with conflict more effectively, the best ways to respond to an insult, why being right feels so good, what’s realistic and true about working out if someone’s lying to you, how to properly connect in any communication and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get up to 20% off Timeline powered by Mitopure (now at a lower price) at https://timeline.com/modernwisdom Get up to $50 off the RP Hypertrophy App at https://rpstrength.com/modernwisdom Get 15% off your first order of my favourite Non-Alcoholic Brew at https://athleticbrewing.com/modernwisdom Timestamps: (0:00) Why Communication Feels Harder Than Ever (0:41) Is Conflict Really Something to Fear? (1:45) Why Are We So Quick to Lose Control? (2:56) What Actually Triggers Us? (7:57) We Need to Learn How to Hold Space For Others (14:59) The Best Ways to Regulate Any Conversation (17:34) Simple Tricks to Stay Calm in Difficult Conversations (25:22) What Is Your Anger Really Hiding? (31:39) Are You Making This Mistake During Conflict? (33:24) Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Difficult (36:56) How Do You Handle Passive Aggression? (39:55) Does Childhood Shape Passive Aggressive Behaviour? (42:20) The Best Way to Deliver Bad News (52:28) Are You Carrying Other People’s Emotions? (56:45) The Shame of Small Fears (01:06:02) How to Avoid Frustration When You’re Being Misunderstood (01:09:15) How Much Does a Divorce Raise Your Heart Rate? (01:13:50) Is Silence the Best Response to Insult? (01:26:32) Why Do We Hide Behind “Just Joking”? (01:28:51) Do Certain Phrases Make You Sound Weak? (01:31:15) Where Does Self-Assurance Come From? (01:36:09) What Makes Someone Sound Truly Composed? (01:38:17) Can You Be Assertive Without Being an A**hole? (01:41:33) Why We Need to Be Intentional With Our Words (01:47:04) Is Being Right Overrated? (01:52:29) Why We’re Obsessed With Winning Arguments (01:53:06) The Biggest Clues Someone is Lying to You (01:56:42) The Best Way to Repair After Conflict (01:59:33) Why Tough Times Build Stronger Relationships (02:01:08) What Really Makes a Great Partner? (02:02:56) Lessons From a Trial Lawyer (02:06:47) The One Rule Behind Great Communication (02:10:02) Find Out More About Jefferson Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: This Is How To Master Your Life - David Goggins - #577: lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs - Dr Jordan Peterson - #712: lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain - Dr Andrew Huberman - #700: lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsChris Williamson· Host0:00
Why do you think people are struggling with their communication?
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:02
Because it's something that wasn't taught to them. It was only modeled, you know, and a lot of people didn't have good models. They, they had people in their lives that saw conflict as something that they had to have in order to feel close to each other. They saw how yelling was the only way to possibly stop something, or maybe get physical was the only way to prove a point.
Chris Williamson· Host0:24
Hmm.
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:24
And so there's a lot of people who haven't had communication modeled well in their life, and there's a lot of books you can read and there's a lot of things you can do, but not until you've actually done it can you ever start actually improving in it.
Chris Williamson· Host0:35
It's like that Mike Tyson quote, "Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face."
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:39
Yeah. Until they get bopped in the mouth.
Chris Williamson· Host0:40
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:41
Yeah.
Chris Williamson· Host0:41
Lots of people fear conflict, but in communication especially.
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:45
Mm-hmm.
Chris Williamson· Host0:46
Why is it so scary? Why is conflict so hard to navigate?
Jefferson Fisher· Guest0:49
It takes courage. Uh, people f- feel like yelling and being aggressive, that's, that's strength. It's not. Um, being somebody who can handle conflict calmly and know that you're gonna get through it, and there's gonna be an end to it, that takes a lot of courage. I think a lot of people are afraid of that vulnerability. That's a word that men in particular find that that's something that is some kind of no-go zone when actually that's the one thing they probably most need. You know, some people, instead of just a shouting match, they really just need a hug. [laughs] And so it's, it's, it's this unknown