Groomed And Abused Daily By His Step Mother. Then He Changed the Law - Uncut with Harrison James

Harrison James is an award-winning activist, author, and co-founder of the national law reform campaign #YourReferenceAintRelevant. Before all of that, he was a 13-year-old boy who became a victim of abuse that no child should ever experience.

After his parents separated, Harri moved in with his father at 13, seeking connection and a fresh start. What followed was years of grooming and sexual abuse at the hands of his stepmother; abuse that resulted in a pregnancy, a daughter Harri was forced to call his sister, and a web of silence and shame that nearly cost him his life.

Harri has since channelled that pain into something extraordinary. His #YourReferenceAintRelevant campaign,which he co-founded with fellow survivor Jarad Grice, has now driven legislative change across multiple jurisdictions, abolishing the use of good character references in the sentencing of convicted sex offenders. He's also the author of Transform Your Pain into Purpose, a part-memoir, part-practical guide for survivors and advocates.

We chat:

• The turbulent household Harri grew up in and why his parents' divorce made him so vulnerable
• How grooming actually works and why it looks exactly like love and care to a child who's starved of both
• The moment Harry's dad walked in on the abuse and did nothing
• What it was like to be a 15-year-old boy secretly caring for his own baby daughter while calling her his sister
• The day his stepmother fled to the Philippines
• How Harry ended up at a mental health facility at 19, and why that saved his life
• His first experience of good character references: watching them being read aloud at his own father's DV sentencing
• Why good character references are not just unfair they're the very thing that enables abuse to happen in the first place
• The long, politically complicated road to law reform, and what's still left to do
• Harry's partner Bella, their unexpected love story, and the baby girl they're expecting

You can follow Harrison on Instagram @itsharrijames

You can get Transform Your Pain into Purpose at all good bookstores.

Timestamps

• 0:00 — Trigger warning & introducing Harrison James
• 2:30 — What Harri's childhood looked like before his parents separated
• 5:45 — Choosing his dad at 13: the appeal of freedom and a fresh start
• 9:12 — How the grooming started
• 16:28 — His dad walked in on the abuse. His response was devastating
• 20:06 — The vasectomy: his dad's impossible denial of what was right in front of him
• 21:08 — Finding out his stepmother was pregnant on the school bus
• 33:00 — Telling his mum the truth for the first time
• 37:12 — Going public in 2022: why Harry posted that raw 11-minute Instagram video
• 40:30 — The good character references read aloud at his father's DV sentencing and how the campaign was born
• 46:48 — Writing Transform Your Pain into Purpose
• 48:30 — Meeting co-founder Jarad over a beer at the pub
• 52:00 — How abuse warped Harry's understanding of love and how Bella changed everything
• 56:17 — The campaign's wins: NSW, ACT, Victoria, Tasmania and New Zealand
• 58:20 — Sitting in the courtroom at Paul Frost's sentencing, and the moment he walked past the Downing Centre knowing it had changed
• 1:06:00 — Why this campaign isn't just legislative: it's a cultural shift
• 1:08:30 — His message to every survivor: you don't have to change a law to be worthy

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Hosted by Laura Byrne & Keeshia Pettit 

Produced by Keeshia Pettit

Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley

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