EP. 404 | That End Of Season Episode: We CALLED Declan Rice The Morning After Arsenal WON The League
5/27/202643 min
On this week’s episode of the Peter Crouch Podcast, Pete, Chris, and Sids wrap up another chaotic Premier League season… but not before getting distracted by AI-generated football conspiracies, military dolphins, and Declan Rice answering a FaceTime call LIVE on the podcast the morning after his 5am title celebrations.
The lads dive into Arsenal finally getting over the line after 22 years of waiting, with an emotional live chat from Declan Rice fresh off the back of the celebrations, plus debate whether guards of honour have officially become the most awkward tradition in football.
There’s also discussion around Liverpool’s uncertain future, Mohamed Salah’s comments, Spurs surviving the drop, and the absolute madness surrounding Southampton’s playoff controversy.
Elsewhere, the pod spirals beautifully into conversations about fake AI football news, Jose Mourinho rumours, and whether anyone can actually trust the internet anymore. Plus, the Football League season finally comes to an end as Sids is crowned champion… and receives one of the most outrageous prizes the podcast has ever seen.
It’s the final Premier League episode of the season — and naturally, it completely loses the plot.
Chumbawamba
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00:00 - Pete opens for a brief remote segment after being called away urgently
01:24 - Crouchy’s ridiculous new BBQ setup
03:24 - Plans for a future podcast BBQ episode
04:00 - End of season reflections begin
04:26 - Guards of honour debate kicks off
05:12 - Bernardo Silva & John Stones discussion
06:01 - “Where does it end?” with football send-offs
06:58 - Nobody actually likes guards of honour
08:18 - Arsenal title win reactions
09:20 - Spurs surviving relegation and West Ham going down
10:41 - Bizarre celebrations get called out
11:20 - Odegaard dragging Arteta into the celebrations
11:53 - Ollie Watkins partying before scoring a brace at Man City
12:51 - End of season review officially starts
14:31 - Players mentally switching off after the season ends
15:33 - Why footballers are told to completely rest
16:15 - How Arsenal balance title celebrations with Champions League prep
17:30 - The Arsenal celebrations outside the Emirates
17:58 - Declan Rice joins live on FaceTime after winning the league
18:59 - Rice admits the pressure was huge this season: “it can’t happen again”
20:16 - Why Declan Rice “makes you love Arsenal”
20:55 - Arteta finally gets credit for Arsenal’s rebuild
21:56 - Liverpool’s uncertain future and Salah’s comments
24:07 - Has Salah’s relationship with Liverpool broken down?
25:08 - Southampton playoff controversy explained
26:13 - Would players feel robbed by the playoff punishment?
27:51 - Middlesbrough accidentally benefiting from the chaos
29:13 - AI football rumours start fooling everyone
29:53 - Crouchy gets completely tricked by fake Dua Lipa photos
31:05 - “Dua Lipa” joins the podcast
31:12 - “Game is gone” as AI takes over football discourse
31:52 - Mourinho, Xabi Alonso & fake football news
32:18 - Crouchy somehow ends up discussing military dolphins
34:38 - Spurs fan asks how to present Player of the Year award
35:34 - Why relegated clubs shouldn’t even hold awards nights
37:20 - Final Football League standings revealed
38:21 - Paddy Power’s brutal final message to Chris Stark
40:09 - Sids receives an outrageous custom championship ring
41:36 - The dramatic “ring ceremony” begins
43:26 - Final reflections on the football season
44:04 - Crouchy delivers emotional end-of-season speech
44:56 - “Please continue to kiss the ring”
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsPeter Crouch· Host0:00
Hello, and welcome to the That Peter Crouch Podcast. Uh, most of this podcast won't be remote, but, um, I've been called away urgently, uh, lads. Unfortunately, I'm not gonna be there, but I have got Chris Stark and Sids, uh, holding fort in the studio. Is everyone okay there?
Chris Stark· Host0:12
Not really, mate.
Steve Sidwell· Host0:13
Oof. No.
Chris Stark· Host0:14
Not really.
Steve Sidwell· Host0:14
No.
Chris Stark· Host0:14
[laughs] I've never been in anywhere hotter. [laughs] The Chumba One Bar is... H- Honestly, as we're recording this, I believe it's the hottest day of the year.
Steve Sidwell· Host0:25
It is hot. It is roasting.
Chris Stark· Host0:26
We're not just sweating, man. There's no air con. Because it's a podcast, every window's gotta be closed as well- Mm ... 'cause you're not allowed to hear anything else. Even Sids, who, you know, as we all know, loves a holiday, thinks this is too much.
Peter Crouch· Host0:38
[laughs] Really? [laughs] God, if Sids- It's hot ... thinks it's too much, Jesus Christ.
Steve Sidwell· Host0:41
It is hot.
Peter Crouch· Host0:41
I mean, I'm full of air con here. There's loads. So I, I, I, I do feel for you.
Chris Stark· Host0:46
Well, that's the main thing. As long as you're cool, you know- Yeah ... that's the... that obviously is the overwhelming priority in this situation.
Steve Sidwell· Host0:53
[laughs] Thanks.
Chris Stark· Host0:56
[laughs] Um, very quick one just before we kick things off. I went out, uh, on the piss, I've gotta say it how it is, with Clive Tyldesley yesterday. [laughs] And it was so funny. Just hearing the voice that has soundtracked, uh, you know, some of the biggest games of football, the voice of football, ordering, uh, a curried goat. It, it was just real sort of- Yeah ... life goals that you never knew you, you needed. It was amazing.
Steve Sidwell· Host1:23
Really.
Chris Stark· Host1:24
It was- How does- Was- How does he order- Yeah ...
Peter Crouch· Host1:26
a curried goat? Like, is it- Yeah ... does it feel like a, a commentator