EP. 402 | That Listener Mail Episode: “Open Top Bus For SECOND Place!” - Our Most HEATED Games Gone?
5/13/20261 hr 2 min
On this week’s episode of That Peter Crouch Podcast, Pete, Sids and Chris dive headfirst into one of the wildest Listener Mail episodes yet — and absolutely nothing is off limits. From pink eye, polyps and footballers wearing makeup on live TV… to whether finishing SECOND deserves an open-top bus parade, the lads somehow manage to cover it all.
There’s chaos as the boys debate if modern football has officially gone soft, including refs with trendy haircuts, xG nerds, shirt-off celebrations, and whether heading could eventually disappear from the game entirely. Plus, a listener’s all-time “Games Gone” rant sparks one of the funniest football debates they’ve had in ages.
Elsewhere, Pete reveals his secret childhood career working in his grandad’s butcher shop, the Wealdstone Raider officially dumps Chris for Crouchy, and there’s an unbelievable story involving someone legally named after the entire 1979 Liverpool team.
The lads also react to bizarre old-school footballer tweets, discuss marathon punishments for the Football League, rank Aussie icons in a “Down Under Vanarama,” and preview the FA Cup Final with the help of Chris’ wife Ria — who might actually be better at predictions than all three of them combined.
It’s listener mail at its absolute finest: ridiculous football chat, nostalgia, complete nonsense, and plenty of classic pod chaos.
Chumbawamba
00:00 - Intro, makeup chat & Chris’ pink eye reveal
03:15 - Polyps, bllocks & why the lads do this to themselves
04:27 - Fans listening to the pod on the London Underground
05:12 - Shin pad injury update & the listener who got slashed
06:02 - Does SECOND place deserve an open-top bus parade?
07:18 - Playoff winners vs automatic promotion debate
08:50 - The Wealdstone Raider officially dumps Chris
10:22 - Will the Wealdstone Raider come on the podcast?
11:45 - Sponsored Segment with England
15:52 - Download the England app!
19:01 - Listener Mail officially begins
19:21 - The unbelievable football shirt sent from Vanuatu
20:48 - The lads decide to give the shirt away
21:24 - Aussie caravans & the “Down Under Vanarama”
25:31 - Steve Irwin, Alf Stewart & Toadfish in a Vanarama
26:51 - Sids loses it at “Beanpole, Fire Pbes and One Ball”
27:18 - Serious chat about checking yourself & men’s health
29:31 - A listener legally named after Liverpool’s 1979 team
30:43 - Charlie Otway’s insane full name explained
31:58 - Marathon punishment ideas for the Football League
34:58 - The funniest accidental footballer tweets ever
36:44 - “Games Gone” mega-rant begins
37:11 - Referees with trendy haircuts debate
37:29 - xG, “big chances” & football nerd culture
38:19 - Shirt-off celebrations & VAR frustrations
39:00 - Why clubs keep buying young foreign players
39:20 - Is football removing physical contact from the game?
40:23 - Players showing personality vs media backlash
42:49 - Football League table update & Ria’s prediction success
45:24 - FA Cup Final preview: Chelsea vs Manchester City
47:42 - Paddy Power’s Minister of Mischief returns
49:32 - Has Chris replaced the listeners with his wife?
50:53 - Ria gives her FA Cup predictions
52:28 - The lads react to Ria outperforming them
54:30 - Why the FA Cup Final morning feels special
57:00 - Predictions: Man United vs Forest & Newcastle vs West Ham
58:37 - Paddy’s Boost selections
01:01:18 - Outro
The Official England squad drops May 22nd on the England App first - if you want to see who is making Tuchel’s squad download the app here :https://england.onelink.me/rgxW/lbj1at4b
And if you want to be in with a chance of winning an official signed England shirt - submit your selects in the Squad Selector by May 21st . #ad
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsPeter Crouch· Host0:00
Hello, and welcome to the Pete Crouch Podcast. Uh, me, Peter Crouch. Uh, got Sid and, and Chris with me. Is, is everyone okay? You had a photo shoot today, Chris, did you?
Chris Stark· Host0:08
I did, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm wearing makeup- Yeah ... and this, uh, there's a slight- So you look, you look glow. Yeah, I do. Did look like you were glowing. I did a photo shoot where I had to dress up, um, I think I can say it. I had to dress in a load of '80s clothes.
Peter Crouch· Host0:19
Love that.
Chris Stark· Host0:19
And it was for the new Rivals show. You know the new series of that?
Peter Crouch· Host0:24
Mm-hmm.
Chris Stark· Host0:24
Um, so, so do something with that. So yeah, it's one of those, I had to turn up to the podcast today. Managed to persuade them, um, that I could get changed back into my own clothes. 'Cause they were like, "Your cars outside, you need to go, you need to go." Um, but I couldn't bear the idea of turning up here in a load of '80s club wear.
Peter Crouch· Host0:40
I would've loved to have seen it.
Chris Stark· Host0:41
I would've loved that.
Peter Crouch· Host0:42
Would love...
Chris Stark· Host0:42
[laughs] Did they give you the option to, um, take it off, or? They did, but I just didn't have time. You just... Um- Love it. I'd do that. I'd keep it on. Uh, I'd, I'd keep it on as well. Yeah, I'd keep it on. Yeah, yeah. Um, if I'd worn the '80s club wear, I would've been sat here, you know, like David Brent when he- Mm ... goes on that date, and he's dressed in all the stuff, and it's- Mm ... a church meeting.
Peter Crouch· Host1:00
Yeah.
Chris Stark· Host1:00
I would've been that.
Peter Crouch· Host1:01
Mm. I, I, I've never really understood makeup really for, for... when we do it.
Chris Stark· Host1:08
Here we go.
Peter Crouch· Host1:08
You know, we do it for TNT and things like that, and TV, and, you know, when we do it for TNT- Yeah ... I'll... They'll... I'll sit in the chair, and I don't think it, there's any difference.
Chris Stark· Host1:19
I agree with you. I, I think they just do... Mainly the one that we get is anti-shine, isn't it?
Peter Crouch· Host1:24
Anti, yeah.
Chris Stark· Host1:24
That's the anti-shine. And then they might just touch up a bit under the eyes if you've had