Dr Emily - What To Do With Envy
5/17/20261 hr 20 min
What is your envy telling you?
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Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk about the green-eyed monster, and more importantly, how we can work with it to incorporate more gratitude, appreciation and awareness into our lives (hallelujah).
Founded in the evolutionary practice of assessing our status in comparison with others, envy comes from the feeling of lacking something that someone else has.
In what may have been an adaptive function for a cave person to secure their basic needs, our brains are not equipped for the intense comparison fed to us via social media.
Dr Emily chats to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the layered experience of envy, and how often, it stems from feeling not-enough or unworthy.
Of course, Dr Emily brings the strategies. We explore how to work with envy in our own lives, and how to acknowledge it in the lives of our friends and family to protect important relationships.
Dr Em, we’ll see you for the sequel on jealousy soon.
To watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/B7acUnoekSc
0:00 – Envy vs Jealousy 9:08 – Keeping up with the Jones’ 8:16 – A message around ‘enoughness’ 25:12 – The energy of being a hater 36:50 – A deep longing for a difference experience 42:13 – On the flip side 52:45 - Acknowledge the hard 59:18 – The social emotion 1:07:18 – Working with envy
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
- Dave Hughes - Me, Myself & Ego - https://bit.ly/4ua3mSP
- Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self-Doubt - https://bit.ly/4fl7omR
- Dr Emily - Acceptance, That’s Radical - https://bit.ly/4ugEHwe
💻Things to check out
- Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory - https://bit.ly/4npfIE5
📺Things to watch
- ‘Onesies’ Bluey episode - https://bit.ly/4eGTqLS
📖Things to read
- The Way We Are, by Hugh Mackay - https://bit.ly/4wsJuff
- Status Anxiety, by Alain de Botton - https://bit.ly/4tvbGeL
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The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsEmily Musgrove· Guest0:00
[gentle music] Envy is that I am lacking something that you have.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:05
Mm-hmm.
Emily Musgrove· Guest0:05
We actually view it as a bad emotion to have and one that we often don't want to acknowledge or admit to.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:13
Mm-hmm. It feels so dirty and- Yeah ... shameful.
Hugh van Cuylenburg· Host0:17
But are you both thinking of examples in your head?
Ryan Shelton· Host0:18
Particularly when I go to Sydney.
Hugh van Cuylenburg· Host0:20
Yeah.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:20
You know, like, big houses, and I'm like, "God, this, how good would this be?" But it's like, it doesn't actually align with what's important to me.
Emily Musgrove· Guest0:26
Mm-hmm.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:26
When I'm in my own suburb, I feel pretty good.
Emily Musgrove· Guest0:29
Yeah.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:29
But then when I have to go across town- Mm-hmm ... to a nicer suburb, you start being confronted with, like, ooh- Yeah ... yeah, I'm not enough.
Hugh van Cuylenburg· Host0:36
Dropping off at school- Mm-hmm ... and having to wait half an hour until your child's settled while the parents would drop and just turn around and go, and I was so envious of that.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:43
To be clear, I, I am open to having one of those houses though.
Emily Musgrove· Guest0:46
[laughs] [laughs] When we compare, we will do one of two things. Admiration, "If she can do it, so can I," or I might feel angry towards them. I might feel bitter towards them.
Ryan Shelton· Host0:58
Mm.
Emily Musgrove· Guest0:59
We will experience envy because we're all normal human beings. It's what we do with it that really matters.
Josh van Cuylenburg· Host1:05
[upbeat music] Quick, is anyone here a doctor? Yes. Her name is Dr. Emily, and she's a psychologist. Please welcome to The Imperfects our very own psychologist.
Ryan Shelton· Host1:20
[air horn] [laughs] Dr. Em, always the best day of the month.
Emily Musgrove· Guest1:24
Aw.
Ryan Shelton· Host1:24
Dr. Em day.
Emily Musgrove· Guest1:25
Thank you.
Ryan Shelton· Host1:26
That's okay.
Emily Musgrove· Guest1:27
Yeah, great.
Ryan Shelton· Host1:28
Pleasure. [laughs] Absolute pleasure.