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We Can Do Hard Things

Do You Ever Feel Like a Total Loser?

5/19/20261 hr 8 min

Today we’re talking about the thing underneath everything: our feelings—and how hard we work to avoid them. Why is it easier to get mad than admit we’re scared? Why can a feeling that lasts 90 seconds keep us stuck for hours (or years)? And why does it so often feel like everyone else is doing life better than we are? We get into anger as a mask, anxiety spirals, the “loser” feeling no one wants to admit, and the relationship dynamics—hello, chooser vs. follower—that shape how we show up with the people we love. This one is about stopping the spin… and coming back to yourself.

  • Why anger is often covering something deeper
  • The “90-second feeling” and how to let it pass
  • How overthinking keeps you stuck in anxiety
  • Why comparison makes you feel like you’re failing
  • Relationship patterns that quietly take over Also listen to: The 90 Second Rule: Feel Your Feelings. Follow We Can Do Hard Things on:  Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

Clips

Glennon’s Spicy Call-Out
When Choosers Dominate The Room
The Gift-Giving Meltdown
Abby Reclaims The Lead
Competition Was Really Fear
Shame Spiral To Nowhere
The Vibe Or I’ll Die
Puberty For Gender Progress
Ninety Seconds To Feel
Loser Spiral, Social Media

Transcript preview

First 90 seconds

  1. Amanda Doyle· Host0:00

    [gentle music] Hi, everybody. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

  2. Glennon Doyle· Host0:11

    Hi.

  3. Amanda Doyle· Host0:12

    Hi. Hi. Hi, sister.

  4. Glennon Doyle· Host0:13

    Hi, sister. How you doing?

  5. Amanda Doyle· Host0:13

    I'm so great.

  6. Glennon Doyle· Host0:14

    How are you?

  7. Amanda Doyle· Host0:15

    How are you? I mean, I don't know. I never know how I'm doing. [laughs] It's just something I say.

  8. Glennon Doyle· Host0:20

    Okay. Real quick, how do you know how you're doing, Amanda?

  9. Amanda Doyle· Host0:25

    Ugh, Jesus. We're really jumping into it. I have learned lately that I have a core self, and I have to touch in. I can tell that I'm not doing my best when I am in a buzzy, reactive state, which usually means I'm mad at someone, but often means I'm not mad at someone, I'm just not doing well.

  10. Glennon Doyle· Host0:49

    Oh.

  11. Amanda Doyle· Host0:50

    And it's showing as if I'm mad at someone, because that is safer feeling for me than not doing well. So it's really, like, I have to reverse engineer it some- often. To determine that I'm not doing well, I have to, like, Scooby-Doo it back.

  12. Glennon Doyle· Host1:07

    Okay.

  13. Amanda Doyle· Host1:09

    Hmm.

  14. Glennon Doyle· Host1:09

    So is it like my brain is wired to solve every problem with food? So that's all the, like, trying to develop new neuroplasticity. Is yours wired to be angry, is what you're saying? Like, the f- your first reaction is anger, but actually underneath that is something else

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