D03: The Fresh Princeling

Derf· Host0:00

[upbeat music] Ah, wow. Best chapter ever. I can't even... That's a eloquence. I'm not known as a graceful speaker, and I gotta tell you, that was just, uh, I don't know. It was like poetry coming out of my mouth. It... I didn't write it, I just said it. Oh, wait. Wait a second. Why is the red light on now? Oh, no. Did I not press record and now it's recording? I missed all, an entire chapter of my life. I've wasted a whole moment of my life by talking about my life. Oh, we lost so much. There was, um, the actual details of how we escaped through the tunnels, uh, the, a, a long speech about the nature of love in a forgotten galaxy. Oh, that was... Uh, people were crying. Pr- hardened prisoners were crying. I made them cry. I forget. It's gone, out of my brain. We filed off the serial number on our prison transport, the Prison Break Express. What... I know what you're thinking. What happened to the masturbating guy? Well, that's a story for another day. Can a memoir have a spinoff? 'Cause that guy's got a lot of life to tell you about. Still one of my closest friends, still yanking it on a minute-to-minute basis. Man, that's, that's chucked up. I'll never remember those words. I forget the words not even after I say them, but while I'm saying them. Oh, man, and here I am in the middle of the produce section trying to get some groceries, trying to eat better. I wonder if this tape