Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?
6/8/202651 min
Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments. Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsMichael· Guest0:00
Hi, Esther. This is Michael.
Tyler· Guest0:02
And this is Tyler.
Michael· Guest0:03
And we're trying to figure out how to do our conflict dance different. Uh, we're twins. We're 31. I experience some of what happens in our conflict as smothering.
Tyler· Guest0:16
And I experience it as abandoned.
Michael· Guest0:18
And we're trying to find a different way to work through this, because it usually gets quite frustrating, and there's a lot of times where I go radio silent or... I don't know what happens on your end.
Tyler· Guest0:36
I get anxious and reach out.
Michael· Guest0:39
And so we are still struggling to kinda manage this paradox, as you usually put it. And we're willing to talk about it.
Tyler· Guest0:48
Yeah. We're both social workers, so that may affect some of this.
Michael· Guest0:54
Right. We might be intellectualizing a lot of stuff. [laughs] So, um, if you could get back to us, that'd be great. We are open and ready whenever you are. Thanks.
Tyler· Guest1:04
Thanks.
Esther Perel· Host1:05
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