266. "I carry the household, the bills, and the stress"
6/23/20261 hr 59 min
Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Alexis, 29, and Edwens, 30, a married couple with a 10-month-old baby and two completely different ideas of what money should look like in a marriage. Edwens immigrated from the Dominican Republic less than two years ago, and personal finance is still new to him. Alexis has been trying to teach him, manage the bills, build the budget, and create a future for their family. And yet, their biggest fight keeps coming back to one question: Why won’t Edwens open a joint bank account?
But the account is only part of the story. What Ramit uncovers is a marriage where Alexis wants partnership, transparency, and a shared family system, while Edwens is still holding on to independence, privacy, and the idea that giving her $1,000 a month should be enough. Alexis feels like she has become the household manager, the bill payer, and eventually more like his mother than his wife. Edwens feels criticized and controlled, especially around credit cards and spending. Underneath all of it are cultural differences, childhood money patterns, and a couple with a baby who are still trying to turn two separate money lives into one shared future.
In this episode we uncover:
Why a joint bank account becomes the breaking point in their marriage
What Alexis means when she says Edwens still acts like a single man
Why Edwens sees separate money as independence, not betrayal
The $1,000 arrangement that leaves Alexis managing everything alone
How cultural differences shape their money rules
Why Edwens struggles to understand credit cards and debt
The moment Ramit almost ends the session
Why Alexis feels like she has become Edwens’s mother, not his wife
How childhood money patterns are showing up in their marriage
Why their cheap rent is a financial gift they are not fully using
The moment they finally start building a shared money system
Chapters:
(00:00:00) “He still operates like a single man”
(00:01:58) The joint bank account fight
(00:07:19) “I don’t want to be married without a joint account”
(00:12:19) She wants partnership. He hears control.
(00:18:05) The credit card argument
(00:25:50) Why does he listen to Ramit, but not his wife?
(00:30:56) Ramit almost ends the session
(00:35:31) Their real income changes the conversation
(00:45:20) The bills, the $1,000, and who actually manages the money
(00:55:04) Repeating their parents’ money fights
(01:02:25) Building a new money culture as a couple
(01:07:13) Alexis has been carrying the household alone
(01:15:20) “I feel like his mom, not his wife”
(01:21:52) Breaking the generational money pattern
(01:27:54) Why therapy needs to happen before it’s too late
(01:32:33) Rebuilding their Conscious Spending Plan
(01:43:16) From separate money to real partnership
(01:48:02) Follow-up
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Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsRamit Sethi· Host0:00
You said it, I listened. A lot of you have been asking for me to do more around single people and money. It's time to do it. I am casting a new reality series about love and money. So if you are single and you live in LA, I want to talk to you. Go to iwt.com/datingshow. And if you got friends who are single in LA, send them the link, iwt.com/datingshow.
Alexis· Guest0:24
I don't know where to start. Like, I really don't know. [laughs] I have no idea where your paycheck goes.
Ramit Sethi· Host0:29
Where's the money? I would be pissed, not at her- On myself How much credit card debt do you have?
Alexis· Guest0:35
Right now, like $1,000.
Edwins· Guest0:37
Really?
Alexis· Guest0:38
Yeah, don't do that.
Edwins· Guest0:39
How long it gonna take you to pay that thousand?
Alexis· Guest0:41
Not even a month. He sees the balance and flips out.
Ramit Sethi· Host0:43
What's the problem?
Edwins· Guest0:44
You know what? I don't wanna talk about that.
Ramit Sethi· Host0:47
Let's take a break. [beep] What did you decide?
Alexis· Guest0:50
We're here, and we're ready to play ball.
Ramit Sethi· Host0:52
You're so close to living a great life, but every time it comes into picture, you're derailed. What do you think happens if the two of you keep seeing money differently for the rest of your lives?
Alexis· Guest1:04
Resentment.
Ramit Sethi· Host1:05
Mm-hmm.
Alexis· Guest1:06
Possibly separation.
Ramit Sethi· Host1:07
You are married, you have a 10-month-old. It's time to get th- locked in. [beep] I could see you guys easily going on 40 years and fighting about money.
Alexis· Guest1:16
Dang, don't curse us.
Ramit Sethi· Host1:17
[laughs] I almost ended today's session midway through, and I want you to understand why. What if you found yourself in a new country with a completely different set of rules,