220 - This Messy Gorgeous Love
4/29/20261 hr 3 min
In this episode, I talk to Devon and Nico Hase about their book, This Messy, Gorgeous Love. We explore how the Buddhist concept of dukkha, or inherent unsatisfactoriness, applies to relationships, reframing difficulty not as a sign of failure but as a natural and even beautiful aspect of partnership. Key takeaways include understanding that relationships are inherently challenging, the importance of "deep listening" to ourselves, our partners, and the space between us, and redefining patience not as passive resignation but as active, courageous engagement with difficulty, or "patience with teeth." This approach offers practical tools for navigating conflict, such as understanding different conflict styles (volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers) and practicing regular "check-ins" to foster deeper connection and understanding in our messy, gorgeous lives.
Explore more at eightfoldpath.com: full transcripts, guided meditations, courses, and Noah AI, an AI you can chat with about any episode or teaching.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Clips
Transcript preview
First 90 secondsNoah Rasheta· Host0:00
The Secular Buddhism Podcast is now on eightfoldpath.com with transcripts, AI chat, and more. Visit eightfoldpath.com. [gentle music] Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Secular Buddhism Podcast. I am your host, Noah Rochetta, and today I'm happy to share a conversation I had with Devin and Nico Haas about their new book, This Messy Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership. Remember, as always, you don't need to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist. You can use what you learn to be a better whatever you already are. If you're not familiar with their work, Devin and Nico are a married couple, both meditation teachers, and they've been together for about 20 years. Each of them has somewhere around 30,000 hours of meditation practice across three different Buddhist traditions, Zen, Insight, and Tibetan. They have lived in monasteries. They completed a three-year cloistered retreat together, and for a stretch of years they traveled the country teaching meditation out of a 70 square foot RV. So when these two people sit down to write a book about relationships, they are writing from a perspective that is both deeply