#1081 - Erica Komisar - The Permanent Impact of Divorce on Children
4/6/20262 hr 31 min
Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst, parenting expert, and author. Why do we assume kids will be okay after divorce? As separation becomes more common, the long-term impact on a child’s development is often overlooked. So what actually happens, and can divorce ever be done without damage? Expect to learn what most adults misunderstand about how deeply divorce affects kids, why constant parental conflict causes damage to children so deeply and what it does to a child’s stress system and brain development, why 50-50 custody might be a terrible idea for children, what the long-term psychological consequences are from a neglectful parent and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get a Free Sample Pack of LMNT’s most popular flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Get 15% off your first order of my favourite Non-Alcoholic Brew at https://athleticbrewing.com/modernwisdom Get 35% off your first subscription on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman
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Clips
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First 90 secondsChris Williamson· Host0:00
Why do you think your work is seen as controversial?
Erica Komisar· Guest0:02
Well, a number of reasons. I think some of the things I talk about, even though they're truths, they're inconvenient truths. Um, you know, my first book was about the importance of attachment security the first three years and a mother's presence. And so I think originally when that book came out, um, it was perceived as a message, which it really wasn't, which was an anti-feminist message that women shouldn't work. That wasn't the message of the book at all. Um, rather it was a message about the importance of a, a mother or primary attachment figure's physical and emotional presence as much as possible in the first three years. And again, that's a sensitive message in a society that says work, work, work. Everybody should work, work, work, and no one should raise their own children. And so I think that's how I originally became controversial. I think I'm controversial in many ways. I think my most recent book is controversial in other ways. Um, my book on divorce, which- Much less contentious topic. It is, but it isn't, because the book actually makes the argument of, um, this idea of 50/50 needs to be looked at very carefully, that we are treating children like possessions in divorces. So that's, that's a sort of controversial idea.
Chris Williamson· Host1:21
Mm.
Erica Komisar· Guest1:21
Um, yeah.
Chris Williamson· Host1:22
I think many people assume that kids are quite resilient.
Erica Komisar· Guest1:26
Mm-hmm.
Chris Williamson· Host1:27
From your clinical work,